I was going through my old school documents and found this one from my 6th grade year (although I think it was more of an extracurricular activity than an actual school assignment). It’s an unabridged dictionary from my personal perspective on life. It made me laugh so hard tears were running down my face. Erin just used it as further proof of how nerdy I am. I promise I didn’t adulter this in any way, this is actually what I wrote when I was 11 years old.

Apple (apul) A kind of personal computer that is used for playing games and programming and is not as good as IBM compatible computers.

Basic (bay sick) The best, easiest, programming language. It is used on Apple, IBM, IBM compatible, and Macintosh computers. For IBM there are three kinds: GW Basic, Quick Basic (QB), and Visual Basic (VB).

Computer (kum pu tur) 1. One who computes. 2. A machine that computes data faster than any human. It does calculations faster, stores data faster, and even erases data faster than any human can with a pencil and paper.

Doug Melton (dug mel ten) 1. The best name of all names ever thought of. 2. A fluent Basic programmer who has an IBM compatible computer and uses it often.

Empty (mt) 1. The opposite of full. 2. When a disk or RAM doesn’t have any data on or in it. 3. Sometimes, my sister’s head is this.

Full (ful) 1. The opposite of empty. 2. When a disk or RAM Doesn’t have any more room left on or in it. 3. MY brain is this all the time.

Gigabyte (Gig a bit) 1. 1,024 Megabytes. About 1,000,000,000 bytes. 2. A very, very large bite.

Hard Disk (hard disk) A disk that is built into your computer and can hold about as much data as 400 floppy disks.

I (i) (also known as me) 1. The eigth letter of the English alphabet (you know, the one that doesn’t make any sense), which is 75 in Ascii and 1001011 in binary. 2. The name I call myself.

Joystick (joi stik) A thingy you use when you play some computer games. It helps you steer, manuver, or do anything else to an airplane or race car or other vehicles.

I've been porting documentation for the past 2 days at work, and this is something I think is pretty funny. This is a direct quote:

Porting a Msql application to MySQL is as easy as executing this command on your code:
/usr/local/bin/replace msqlConnect mysql_connect msqlListDBs mysql_list_dbs msqlNumRows mysql_num_rows msqlFetchRow mysql_fetch_row msqlFetchField mysql_fetch_field msqlFreeResult mysql_free_result msqlListFields mysql_list_fields msqlListTables mysql_list_tables msqlErr mysql_error msqlStoreResult mysql_store_result msqlQuery mysql_query msqlField mysql_field msqlSelect mysql_select msqlSelectDB mysql_select_db msqlNumFields mysql_num_fields msqlClose mysql_close msqlDataSeek mysql_data_seek m_field MYSQL_FIELD m_result MYSQL_RES m_row MYSQL_ROW msql mysql mSQL mySQL MSQL MYSQL msqlCreateDB mysql_create_db msqlDropDB mysql_drop_db msqlFieldSeeek mysql_field_seek -- $*

Oh yeah, that's really simple!